Crashed
by andersex
Summary: HIATUS.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: After her job is over, Rory is returning home. Set after Bon Voyage.**

**Pairings: You'll find out soon (:**

**Rating: T**

**Disclaimer: ASP is my hero, I own nothing!**

**Basically this is my take on the eighth season of Gilmore Girls**

**--**

**Chapter One**

She couldn't help but frown as the whirling colors passed by her as she stared out the window. The whole atmosphere was gloomy. The weather, the people, and even the driver seemed to be aware that things were not pleasant all around. She was supposed to be working a great job, reporting on all the doings of Barrack Obama's political campaign, but that had failed, and now she had no job. So far she had endured 12 agonizing hours on the small, cramped bus with only her thoughts to accompany her. She had tried calling her mother when they had stopped for gas, but all she got was her voicemail. The bus lurched to a stop and the passengers slowly started disembarking, all heading towards the uncertainty that awaited them when they stepped off of the bus. They were all unemployed now, and their opportunity of a lifetime had been ripped away from them.

She grabbed her carry-on bag and slung it over her shoulder while pocketing her cell phone and disembarking the bus. When the doors closed behind her, she felt the tears growing in her eyes. She had failed, her first real job in the real world had been a bust, and now she was back to where she had started. All newspapers would have started filling up their positions in September, so she would have to wait a whole year before she could even start applying again. With another sigh she pulled out her phone and dialed her mother's number, hoping that she would pick up. The phone rang and rang, no one answered. She frowned and dialed their home number, shocked when her battery suddenly died on her. With a groan she wandered through the airport in search for a payphone so that she could call her mother to come get her. Finally after searching for 20 minutes she found one, inserted a quarter, and dialed her home number.

"Hello?" said a voice that was most certainly not her mother

"…Kirk?" She asked in disbelief, wondering what he was doing in her house.

"Oh…hi Rory" Kirk said, sounding just as confused. "Why are you calling me?"

"Uh, I thought I was calling my house, I must have dialed the wrong number." She stammered, shocked that she had dialed the wrong number.

"Oh no you didn't, I just assumed you knew. Well I guess it makes sense that you didn't know since you've been gone all summer and oh what a summer it's been, I mean, Lulu and I have been so excited and the baby is going to be amazing and—"

"Wait, what?" Rory screeched as Kirk's rambling finally started making sense. "Did my mom sell you our house? And is Lulu pregnant?!"

"Yes, your mother sold us the house when she moved in with Luke, and yes, Lulu is pregnant. She's having triplets!" He gushed, as he continued on about how they wanted to name the babies after historical town landmarks. Rory mmed and aawed without really listening to what he was saying, she was still in shock.

Her mother had sold their house. To Kirk.

She made up an excuse for Kirk and hung up slowly as she stuck a quarter into the payphone again and dialed a number.

The phone rang twice before it was picked up.

"Richard Gilmore" her grandfather said as he picked up the phone.

"Grandpa, where's mom?" Rory asked quietly

"She's living with that diner owner, Duke" Her grandfather replied hotly, not seeming too pleased with his daughters living arrangements. "They went off on that boat after you left and they haven't been back since. She didn't even leave any sort of contact numbers or anything, just gave her house to that Dirk, or Mirk, whatever his name was, and took off."

"Kirk" Rory replied, "His name is Kirk, and it's Luke not Duke"

"Right, Luke. Anyway, your grandmother and I haven't had any contact at all with her. But enough about you mother, how is your job?"

Just asking about the job was enough to make Rory break down into tears. She explained everything to her grandfather, including Barrack's remove from politics and then the bus ride back and having nowhere to go. Sometime in the conversation her grandmother had picked up a phone and listened in on the conversation. She invited Rory to stay with the two of them and she agreed, considering as she had nowhere else to go.

**AN: Sorry it's a little short, just had to get a little back story out before the real story stars, of course I'm going to give you guys another chapter in a few minutes because this one is a little disappointing. XD**


	2. Chapter 2

Summary: After her job is over, Rory is returning home

**Chapter Two**

Rory awoke as the sun came streaming in through the windows. She winced and rolled over in bed as the sun invaded through her eyelids. She hadn't fallen asleep until almost four in the morning; her sleeping patterns had been messed up since she had been in different time zones only hours before. Her heart plummeted as she realized that she had nothing to do all day, or any day for that matter. She was unemployed. For the first time in a really long time, she didn't have a schedule to adhere to, it was whatever she wanted whenever she wanted to do it, and it was a little exhilarating.

She jumped out of bed with a slight smile and pulled on her new pink Hollister tee and white skirt while slipping on her sandals. As she was leaving the pool house, where she was now staying since her mother was still incognito, she grabbed her bag and closed the door behind her. She went into the main house and had breakfast with her grandparents before she headed out and jumped into her new car, the ones her grandparents had gotten for her when she had graduated from Chilton. She turned the key in the ignition and the car roared to life as she sped out of the driveway and into the streets. She turned on the radio and winced as a familiar song came on.

_Lying here with you  
Listening to the rain  
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face  
_

_These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive  
These are the moments I'll remember all my life  
I found all I've waited for  
And I could not ask for more  
_

_Looking in your eyes  
Seeing all I need  
Everything you are is everything to me  
_

_These are the moments  
I know heaven must exist  
These are the moments I know all I need is this  
I have all I've waited for  
And I could not ask for more_

I could not ask for more than this time together  
I could not ask for more than this time with you  
Every prayer has been answered  
Every dream I have's come true  
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be  
Here with you here with me

These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive  
These are the moments I'll remember all my life  
I've got all I've waited for  
And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more than the love you give me  
'Coz it's all I've waited for  
And I could not ask for more  
I could not ask for more

She couldn't ignore the tears that came to her eyes as the song played on, she didn't have it in her to turn it off. This was the song that she and Logan had danced to the last they had been together before she had rejected him. It had been one of the happiest moments of her life, one of the happiest songs, but now all she felt was emptiness and pain. She knew she had missed him while she had been away, but she had been afraid to feel again, afraid that her emotions would overpower her. She knew that she had been wrong, that she should have accepted his proposal, but it was too late, and he was gone.

The first time she had called her mother, she had asked whether or not she knew how Logan was. Her mother's reaction had stunned her, to say the least. Right after her graduation, Logan had left New Haven for Japan, he was supposedly going there to work at one of his father's new newspapers, but everyone knew the truth, he was trying to get away from _her. _Everyday she mentally slapped herself for; once again, letting a man she loved slip away. It seemed to always be that way in her love life. Dean? Slipped away. Jess? Pushed away. Logan? Pushed away and then slipped away. That was how it went in Rory Gilmore's life, which truly proved that her love life was destined to be as hazardous as her mothers had been until she got together with Luke.

Finally she arrived at her destination and parked her car. She slowly slipped out of the car, wiping at her eyes as she took deep breaths to calm herself down. She tucked her hair behind her ears as she headed into the coffee shop. She climbed up the stairs and entered into the coffee shop and was shocked at how deserted it was, there was only one other person there. She went over to the table by the other person and sat down, quietly humming to herself. The man at the table next to her looked over and whispered quietly,

"There is a better coffee shop around the corner, trust me. I'm only here because I'm his son. Escape while you still can" his panicked eyes made her feel very uncomfortable and she slowly shuffled out of the coffee shop and back onto the street. As she was exiting the coffee shop she suddenly had a painful flashback as tears crept into her eyes once again.

"_Logan, it's 8:30 in the morning, you had better have a good excuse for dragging me out of bed, making me get dressed and making me walk so early in the morning" she wined as he practically dragged her across the street, leading her to what looked like a rustic styled coffee house._

"_Ace, coffee" he gestured with his hand as they neared the coffee shop, she almost started drooling when she smelled the delicious coffee smell that was wafting towards them. She untangled herself from his hold and sprinted towards the coffee shop, running inside and sniffing the air, sighing with happiness. She heard a laugh from behind her and whirled around to see Logan there, laughing at her ridiculous behavior. She blushed and looked down at her feet, embarrassed with her actions. He took hold of her chin and tilted her head so that she was looking up at him._

"_Never be embarrassed Ace, I love you and your little quirks"_

"_You love me?" she said with a little bit of shock, he had never really come right out and said it before._

"_Yeah Ace, I love you, you and your coffee addicted self" he said with a smirk as he kissed her softly"_

The tears were streaming down her face now and she couldn't stop them. She had been bottling up her feelings for Logan for months, and now they were finally coming out, right here and right now, in the middle of a busy street. She covered her mouth with her hand, stifling a sob that was forming in the back of her throat. Suddenly, coffee didn't seem so appealing anymore; she whirled around to go back to her car and ran smack dab into someone who had been coming the other day. She apologized profusely and looked up into the eyes of the person she had bumped into, shocked at whose eyes were staring back at her with bewilderment.

**AN: Who is it? I'll never tell! ) You can all take your guesses, and as to what this story's ship is? It's debatable. Depends on what people want after the plot is revealed. Could it be Rogan? PDLD? Dory? Literati? Or something else?**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Hey Rory?" he said, his eyes portraying how shocked he was. "I thought you had a job oversees?"

"No, I'm back" she said quietly, still amazed that he was really there, standing in front of her. She was aware of how bad she must look, with her windswept hair and red, puffy eyes. She sniffed once, trying to compose herself, and ended up breaking down yet again, attempting to look away from him, ashamed of her actions.

He slung his arm around her shoulders and led her over to where his car was parked and helped her into the front seat.

"Where do you want me to take you?" He asked slowly, afraid to upset her anymore than she already was. She just shrugged without saying anything and played with her hands that were sitting in her lap. She heard him sigh and start the engine, pulling away from the curb and away from the painful memories

"Thanks Jess" she whispered quietly. He just nodded and grasped her hand, giving it a tight squeeze.

--

His heart felt like it was being eviscerated, smashed into millions upon millions of pieces as it fell out of his body and onto the ground, flopping around like a fish out of water.

It had started out like any other day, he had gotten up that morning, with a hell of a headache after last nights partying, politely asked the girl in his bed to get the fuck out and jumped in the shower, attempting to rid himself of any evidence that he had been with someone else. Even now that she was gone, he still felt guilty every time he woke up with someone else in his bed. She had changed him in so many ways, and she probably didn't even realize.

"Well" he thought to himself, "she probably wouldn't care anyway". Sometimes he wished that he had never opened himself to her, just left it alone and walked away. Done what the old Logan Huntzberger would have done, but he didn't, and he couldn't, she had changed him. After she had rejected his marriage proposal, he didn't know what to do. He didn't even remember leaving her graduation ceremony, but somehow he must have. The first clear memory he had of that day, after she had rejected him, was ending up at the hospital in London, the only place in the world that couldn't possibly remind him of _her_. As for the hospital, he had been drinking heavily before he got on the plane, while he was on the plane and at the airport after he got off of the plane. Somewhere between the airport and the bar in his hotel, he had passed out and been taken to the hospital, where he had received a stomach pump due to the fact that there was enough alcohol in his system to "sustain Finn for years to come" according to Colin.

A lot of the moments from the past four months were very hazy and hard to remember, he hadn't been sober for vary many of them. After the incident in London, in which his dad had dragged him back to America, he had bottomed out completely, shelling out thousands of dollars every day to bars so that they would serve him and not tell his father, for Mitchum Huntzberger had been calling all of the bars within a three hour driving distance, telling them not to serve his son any alcohol. But with the right amount of money, bartenders silence can be swayed easily. Even if they won't sell _him_ the alcohol, he often brought Finn and Colin with him, and they could just as easily buy him drinks. Personally, he assumed that they liked the drunk Logan more than they liked 'I'm-in-love-with-Rory Logan', and to be honest, drunk Logan probably _was_ more fun.

After his shower that morning he had gotten dressed and continued his morning routine as he always did, he went to the café. It didn't matter what time he ended up stumbling into the café, he was always the only person there besides the owner's son. Ever since the new café had opened, this one didn't get much business. It was kind ironic that the café where they had often frequented had died just as their relationship had. He wasn't really sure why he even came into that café anymore, it just made him feel emptier inside when she didn't walk through the door and sit down next to him. He knew she wasn't going back, but for the first two weeks he had initially came here every morning just because he knew she would cave in and have to come get coffee eventually. After two weeks he finally gave in and called her, at her mother's house, where he assumed she would be staying for the summer. The phone call he had received is probably the main thing that had caused his heart to tailspin in the first place.

_The phone rang and rang, he was loosing his nerve quickly as no one was picking up. He went to put the phone back on its hook as someone on the other end said hello. He froze, his heart practically stopped beating as he waited for the person to say something else, they did, and it wasn't her._

"_Lorelai?" he asked uncertainly, not sure if it was actually her or if it was someone else._

"_Who else?" she said sarcastically, with a twinge of what sounded like sympathy in her voice. "How are you Logan?"_

"_Uh" he was startled, not expecting her question. "I uh…"_

"_I heard" was all she said._

"_You heard what exactly" he replied, unsure as to which situation she was talking about._

"_London"_

_His heart stopped, is that why she seemed uncomfortable talking to him? She thought it was Rory's fault? Well, it technically was her fault but he didn't blame her, so neither should her mother._

"_Oh" was all he managed to squeak out_

"_Yeah" Lorelai replied, an awkward silence seemed to fall upon them and neither person really knew what to say._

"_Is she there?" he finally asked, quietly, not sure if he really wanted to know the answer._

_When she heard his defeated sounding voice she had to blink back the tears as she told him that Rory was gone indefinitely, she obviously hadn't thought to mention it to him, probably because they had broken up._

"_I see" he said, his voice sounding cold and broken, "thanks Lorelai" and with that he hung up the phone, unaware that she was crying on the other end._

_He forcefully shoved the phone back into its socket and started at it for a few seconds. With a fit of rage, he threw it at the wall and watched as it broke in half and fell onto the floor of his apartment. He slowly sunk to the floor and put his head in his hands as the Logan Huntzberger started to cry._

Like every other day since she had left, he remained alone in the café for over an hour. Finally he left the café and headed outside, but when he looked down towards the end of the street where his car was parked, he was astonished at what he was seeing.

It was as if his heart was being eviscerated, smashed into millions upon millions of pieces as it fell out of his body and onto the ground, flopping around like a fish out of water. For there she was, the girl he would probably love _fore_v_er_,in the arms of the writer, Jess, as he put his arm around her and led her away.

He didn't know how long he had been standing there, but at some point it had started to rain, yet he didn't really care.

She had come back, but she wasn't _really_ back, not to him anyway. He turned away and walked in the opposite direction, even though they were already long gone, headed towards the nearest bar he could find.

_Sometimes I think about the touch of your skin  
The taste of your lips and It all comes rushing back again  
And I start to spin  
I think about you when the skies turn grey  
Always reminds me of the love we made  
Back when you were here  
Well, here come the tears_

Of yesterdays rain  
Yesterday's rain  
Well, it's better to have loved and lost than not at all  
But I still love to feel it fall  
Yesterday's rain  
It's just yesterday's rain

Well, I've been told I shouldn't stand in your rain  
That's the only place I see your face  
I can see you face  
It took sometime to heal but I've moved on  
I still go back in time and stand in your storm's  
Familiar's wrath  
Always feels like home

Of yesterdays rain  
Yesterday's rain  
Well, it's better to have loved and lost than not at all  
But I still love to feel it fall  
Yesterday's rain  
It's just yesterday's rain

Let your memory soak me to the bone  
Reminds me that I'm not alone in yesterday's rain  
It's just yesterday's rain  
That's just yesterday's pain  
Think I'll walk in yesterday's rain

**AN: How many people were disappointed that we never got to see Logan again after she rejected him? sigh**

**The song is Yesterday's Rain by Gary Allan, which I've never heard but the lyrics worked well with the chapter.**


	4. Authors Note

AN: So guys, I thought I owed you all a major author's note about the status of the story and where it's going from here

**AN: So guys, I thought I owed you all a major author's note about the status of the story and where it's going from here.**

**Basically I have the first six chapters written and I'm working on the seventh now, but after all of those are posted it might take me longer to update once school starts back up again.**

**So I just posted chapter three, which is the third chapter today, and I won't generally be updating that often, once every 3-4 days is probably how often I'll update. Maybe sooner if I have time in class to write down some of the ideas I get.**

**As for the final ship that I'm going with for the story, I'm not sure. But I'll tell you right now, it will NOT be Dean/Rory. I didn't like seeing them as a couple on the show (post season two anyway) and I think that after season one he became a really bad boyfriend for her.**

**Literati and Rogan are both possibilities at the moment, I loved both couples and I am having an impossible time trying to decide which one I want my story to be.**

**As for the rating of this story, I don't think there will be any sex scenes. I don't have enough experience in the area to write a good one, and I think the story is just as good without them. At one point there may be one, but I don't know, it's undetermined. Also, if you look on my profile you can see the outfit Rory was wearing when she ran into Jess.**

**Thanks! **

**Charlotte aka burymeinblack—x**


	5. Chapter 4

Summary: Rory left Stars Hollow in July to go report on Barack Obama's presidency tour

**Chapter Four**

She woke up with a start, alarmed by the fact that she had no clue as to where she was. She looked around to find anything that seemed familiar, anything that would hint as to where she was exactly and that's when she saw him, Jess Mariano, propped up on his elbows, staring at her.

"Why Mr. Mariano, I didn't take you for a stalker" she said with a small smile as she sat up from where she had been lying down on what she assumed was his couch.

"Well you know me, I try to be unpredictable" She snorted with laughter as his face fell. "What? I am so unpredictable, I always have been"

"Yeah right" she laughed. "I've always known what you were going to do, you were oh so very predictable.

He sighed and shook his head, she took him in. He hadn't really changed much since she had last seen him at the publishing house. Thankfully, his hair was back to how it had been when she had first met him, no more emo bangs for him. She felt the sudden urge to reach out and ruffle his hair, like she had done many times when they had dated ages ago. She was surprised that it didn't seem so uncomfortable to be around him, even though they had talked once or twice while she had been away. He had called her to tell her that his second book had been published, but he had never actually told her what the book was about, just that he would show it to her the next time he saw her around.

"So, let me see it" she said, and when he looked at her blankly, she pointed to the book that was resting on his lap. He sighed and pushed it over towards her, gesturing for her to read the back cover first.

She flipped the book over to the back and started to read, feeling tears come to her eyes as she read the excerpt on the back.

"_It was as if he was dreaming, that someone like her could exist, and want him the same way that he wanted her. He had never been in love before, and had hardly ever received any love-like feelings directed towards him, but if this was what love felt like, if being with her was true love, maybe it wasn't as bad as he had thought it was"_

_Sam had lived in New York his entire life, living on the streets because it was better than dealing with all of his problems at home. After getting into heaps of trouble on the streets, his basket case of a mother sent him to live with the uncle he had never met, and that's when he met her._

_Lucy came from a broken family, her father having left her mother after she refused to marry him at age sixteen. For most of her life, her mother had been the only person she could rely on, they depended on each other. After sixteen years of trying to fit in, she had finally found someone who understood her, someone she could love. Then he came into town, and her life changed forever._

_The odds, and their town, were against them. So many obstacles, his uncle, her parents, her boyfriend, his pranks, stood in their way. Yet somehow, they managed to find something pure and amazing, throughout all the hatred and lack of understanding being thrust at them. Through swan attacks, diner orders, weddings, parties and more, they built a relationship that changed lives, especially theirs._

She looked up at him, tears in her eyes and she turned to the front cover of the book, which happened to be what looked like a shot of their bridge. She looked up at him and he just nodded, she smiled and turned to a random page in the book and couldn't help but grin as she realized what part it as.

"_Sam, what happened to you? I can't believe you came to my grandmother's house with a black eye, do you have a death wish?" Lucy ranted at him, waving her hands wildly as he couldn't help but think about how cute she looked when she was angry. She seemed annoyed at him though, so he figured that he should probably stop staring at her and start listening, she might appreciate it._

"_Did you get into a fight with Dean?" She asked quietly, her eyes still ablaze. Of course I didn't get into a fight with Dean, I thought as I tried to withstand a laugh. If I had gotten into a fight with Dean, there's no way in hell I would be the one with the black eye, more likely Dean would be in a body cast and I would be there standing over him, laughing loudly as he attempted to hit me, but couldn't because he was in the body cast. However, Lucy wasn't really satisfied with my silence, and we got into a fight. It really hadn't helped matters that her grandmother was very overbearing and very annoying, I could barley tolerate being in the room with her. I could tell by the way that she looked at me that I wasn't good enough, that I would never be good enough; and it hurt._

_It seemed that people were always telling me that I wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough to be Lucy's boyfriend, I wasn't good enough to be Luke's nephew, and I wasn't good enough to live in this stupid town. Basically I ended up storming out of the house and back to the diner, where uncle Duke was waiting for me, and he also asked if I got into a fight with Dean._

_I almost told him I got into a fight with Dean, it would have been less embarrassing that's for sure, but for some reason I felt compelled to tell my uncle the truth, that a swan had pecked the hell out of my eye. I mean sure, I have tormented the swan on one occasion or another, but today I had been perfectly nice, minding my own business, just reading a book and then out of nowhere, the thing attacks me. I couldn't get out of there fast enough, that thing was deadly. It was like Jackie Chan and Jet-Li, fused together, on steroids. _

_Okay, maybe I'm overreacting, but still, it's very unnerving to receive a black eye from a "cute and cuddly swan"._

_To this day, I have an irrational fear of swans, probably always will._

She couldn't stop laughing after she finished reading the part about the "evil swan".

"Oh god" she wheezed, clutching her sides as she continued laughing, unable to breathe. "I can't believe you, bad boy of stars hollow, received your black eye, from a _swan_"

"Vicious Swan" he corrected, a smirk situated on his stubbled face.

"You can't even tell" she said quietly as she unconsciously traced the outline of his eye with her finger, unaware that their faces were slowly getting closer.

"Yes well, it was four years ago" he said just as quietly, as they continued getting closer. He gulped nervously as they were just inches apart, staring into each others eyes.

"It was, but it feels like just yesterday" she whispered, even quieter than before. They slowly started growing closer and closer until she could feel his breath on her face, she hadn't realized how much she had missed being close to him, until now.

There was an awkward silence around them, neither one wanted to move but neither one of them knew what to do or say. As of yesterday, she had been crying over Logan but now she was sitting in Jess' apartment, about 2 minutes away from kissing him!

"So" he said, breaking the silence. "Read anything good lately?"

"Sure, lots of Ernest Hemmingway" she said with a smirk as his eyes seemed to light up, before she knew what was happening his lips were pressed against hers, kissing her passionately, and she was kissing him back.

_Saw you walk into the room  
Thought I'd try to talk to you  
Babe am I ever glad you wanted me to  
It's been two years to the day  
Half the time I've been away  
I know I'm not there enough but that's going to change  
Cause I'm coming back  
To show you that I'm keeping the promise I made_

When I'm with you I'll make every second count  
Cause I miss you  
Whenever you're not around  
When I kiss you  
I still get butterflies years from now  
I'll make every second count when I'm with you

Yeah we've had our ups and down  
But we've always worked them out  
Babe am I ever glad we've got this far now  


Logan stared at his phone and sighed as he put his phone away

_Still I'm lying here tonight  
Wishing I was by your side  
Cause when I'm not there enough  
Nothing feels right  
_

She tilted her mouth for better access as her hands slowly slid his shirt over his head as she threw it to the ground, while still kissing him hungrily.

_So I'm coming back to show you that  
I'll love you the rest of my life_

When I'm with you  
I'll make every second count  
Cause I miss you  
When ever you're not around  
When I kiss you I still get butterflies years from now  
I'll make every second count  
When I'm with you  
Whatever it takes I'm not going to break the promise I made  
When I'm with you  
I'll make every second count  
Cause I miss you

When I'm with you  
I'll make every second count  
Cause I miss you  
Whenever you're not around  
When I kiss you  
I still get butterflies years from now  
I'll make every second count  
(Make every second count)  


_When I'm with you  
When I'm with you  
When I'm with you  
When I'm with you  
Yeah_

**AN: LITERATI MOMENT (:**


	6. Authors Note: Next Chapter Tomorrow

**AN: Coupling!**

**Just because it is a Literati fic at the moment, doesnt mean it will stay that way?**

**dun dun dun.**

**What will it be? Only I know**

**you know you love me, xoxo.**

**(if you can tell me where the line I used above came from, I'll give you a cookie XD)**


	7. Chapter 5

Summary: Rory left Stars Hollow in July to go report on Barack Obama's presidency tour

**Chapter 5**

**Disclaimer: I still own nothing!**

**--**

He awoke with a cry as the sun invaded his eyes. He threw a pillow over his head and mumbled unhappily about the sun and alcohol. He had never been much of a morning person, as Logan and Colin liked to point out on many occasions. If there was one thing Finn knew how to do, it was drink and drink well. However, his excursions with alcohol either got someone arrested, got someone punched or ended up resulting in many excruciating headaches in the morning. He heard a crash coming from his living room but he didn't move from the bedroom, Colin had probably stumbled into his apartment late that night, he and Logan both had their own keys and whenever Colin and Steph got into a fight, which was often, he would crash at Finn's. After the second crash and someone cursing, loudly, he decided to drag himself out of bed and attack Colin with something sharp and potentially life threatening. When he stumbled out of the bedroom and into the living room, he was astonished at what he saw in front of him.

Logan was sitting on his couch, nursing a bottle of vodka with several empty bottles next to him; it seemed as if the loud crashing noises had been Logan throwing them at the wall. Finn blinked rapidly, he wondered if maybe someone had spiked his drink last night and he was hallucinating, but there were no purple cows this time so he must be sober. He slowly approached Logan and flopped down on the couch next to him, grabbing one of the bottles and drinking it like water. Logan looked over at him briefly and Finn was astonished at what he was seeing.

Logan Huntzberger had been crying.

Logan.

_Crying_.

The apocalypse had arrived.

He remembered, not so fondly, the one occasion when he himself had cried, and Logan making fun of him about it. If he remembered correctly, it was when he was seeing the purple cows…

"_Blimey mate, the purple cows are crowding you!" Finn slurred drunkenly as he stumbled across the pub, practically falling into Colin's lap as he reached the table they were sitting at._

"_What the hell are you talking about now" Colin grumbled as Finn flopped around in his lap, trying to slide himself in the seat next to him. Finally, getting annoyed with Finn flopping around, he pushed him into the seat next to him and the aussie somehow managed to end up with his feet on the chair and the rest of his body on the ground, laughing hysterically._

"_No Colin! I can't sit there! Bessie wouldn't appreciate it. Oh Bessie, don't say those things. I am not ugly, Bessie how could you! Why would you say that! I love you! WHAT? YOU DON'T LOVE ME? BUT YOU ARE A GREAT LAY LOVE, I LOVE YOU MY BAUTIFUL PURPLE COW DARLING" Finn slurred as he started openly sobbing while rolling around on the floor._

"_Finn, there is no purple cow" Logan deadpanned as he walked past his friend who was still on the floor._

"_Yes there is, she's right there mate" Finn pointed to the seat next to Colin, which was currently occupied by Rory._

"_I'm RORY" she said, slowly enunciating her name, giving him the strangest look ever. "And I'm pretty sure I'm not purple" she said with an eyebrow raise._

All the details of that night were hazy at best, but he did remember that sometime around there, Logan had made fun of him. But his friend was obviously hurting, and if he had to guess it was probably about Rory. It always was.

"What's wrong mate?" He asked, wondering if Logan was even sober enough to answer him.

"She moved on" He said quietly as he took another drink of the liquid in his hands. Finn didn't really know what to say, he found it strange that Logan would know that Rory had moved on when she hadn't even been in town ever since graduation, well that he knew of anyway.

"And you know this how?" He asked

"I saw her yesterday" Logan slurred, the alcohol affected his speech so greatly that Finn had to really concentrate to hear what he was saying. "She was with _him, _poet boy"

"Uh" Finn didn't have any idea as to who 'poet boy' was, but he had to guess that it was either a friend of Rory's or an old boyfriend or something, it had to be for Logan to get so upset.

"They were walking together, his arm was around her. Like _we_ used to" he slurred, getting angrier by the minute. He threw the bottle that he was drinking out of at the wall and Finn winced as it connected with its target.

When Logan was this far gone, there was only one thing to get him back from it…and she wasn't around anymore.

--

When Rory woke up she realized instantly that she wasn't in her own bed, and then it hit her. She was in Jess' bed; she had slept with Jess Mariano.

When they had been dating, she had often imagined her first time being with him, but when he left her to go to California, all of her images of them being together for her first time had been removed in the blink of an eye. Frankly, she didn't think that she would ever see him again but of course he kept popping back up, that's what he always did, pop up at the most inconvenient times.

Except now, now he had popped up when she actually needed him, when she actually had room for him in her life. It was strange, she and Jess had always had a very imperfect relationship, and it had always been morally wrong for them to start things because of 'circumstances' or she had a boyfriend, or he had a girlfriend. Things just never seemed to work out because of where they were in their lives. But now, here they were. She had just graduated and lost her first job, not sure where she was going to go from here, and he was sufficiently successful, he had two novels out and had just opened a book store in New York since the publishing house had really taken out. They were finally at the point in their lives when it would be okay to see each other, they wouldn't have towns against them, boyfriends or girlfriends to get in the way, impending 'futures' or any of the other shit that had stopped them in the past.

She thought back to the conversation they had had last night, or rather this morning, about their lives...

"_I have a cat" he said out of nowhere, startling her a little for nothing had been said for a short amount of time._

"_Uh okay" she said, sounding slightly confused, wondering where the conversation was heading._

"_Yeah I thought that I should probably let you know, just in case he jumps up on the bed sometime during the night" she couldn't help but laugh as she imagined Jess sleeping in his bed with the cat curled up next to him._

"_Let me guess what you named him, Ernest?" She replied, taking yet another crack at his favorite author._

"_Nah, Dodger" he replied, looking away from her and towards the window, everytime something from their past came up, he always seemed to shy away from it._

"_Does it make you uncomfortable?" she asked, picking up on his awkwardness towards talking about the past._

"_Not really, it just wasn't most of my shining moments, you know? I was really immature and mean to you, a lot. I don't like thinking about that now because if I knew then what I knew now, I never would have done half of the things I did."_

"_Like what?" she whispered quietly._

"_Kyle's party. I shouldn't have fought Dean." He whispered quietly, taking her hair and pushing it back behind her ear. "…and leaving you, without telling you anything. I just packed my stuff and got on a bus, and then I had the nerve to tell you I'd call when I KNEW I wouldn't. I hated myself for a really long time after that, I never really got over it, you know? I mean, I had no reason to be upset; I was the one that fucked up. But every time I think back on it, I get this picture of your face when I told you I loved you and left, again. I kept doing it, I kept hurting you, it's like I couldn't stop even though I wanted to"_

_She tried to interrupt him, but he wouldn't let her. He had been holding all of his emotions in, and it was time to finally let them out._

"_I loved you so much; I had for a really long time. I should have never told you I loved you and then left, I should have stayed. I should have never left, I should have just told you about prom, graduation and about Wal-Mart, I should have never gone to Wal-Mart. Did you know, to this day, I can't go to a Wal-Mart without cringing? Yeah, well, I can't. Anyway, that night, in your dorm, I didn't go there to ask you to run away with me, I honestly didn't. I had it all planned out, but then Dean was there and I panicked, I thought the two of you were getting back together and I was freaking out and I panicked, god I panicked. So I asked you to leave with me, even thought I KNEW your answer would be no, you had college, your mother, I knew you wouldn't leave yet I still asked. _

_I had it all planned, I was going to move to Star's Hollow, hopefully convince Luke to let me live with him again, work in the diner, and then I would slowly make it up to you, to get you to trust me again. To prove to you how much I loved you, how much I still love you and will always love you. Rory, I don't know what's happened since I last saw you, but you came to see me in Philly, so as soon as I could, I came back, you know._

_I told Luke not to tell you, but I called periodically, you know? Once every couple months, just to see how you were doing, to make sure you were okay. He told me that you and Logan were really serious, and that he didn't want me to come back because he didn't want to ruin your relationship because you seemed happy, so I stayed away. But when the publishers said they needed someone to go to New York to open a new bookstore, I couldn't say no. Being close to you, even if I couldn't be close to you, was enough for me. So I went and I got this apartment and then after I furnished it and moved myself and Dodger in, I went out to get coffee and then bam, you showed up._

_I didn't even know you were in town, I swear I'm not stalking you. Luke told me that you had this incredible job offer and that you wouldn't be back for a really long time, so it wasn't like I moved here for you. Well I did, but I didn't? Do you get what I'm trying to say? I love you Rory, so much, and I know this isn't me, the old Jess didn't talk so much, I mean I used to use monosyllables and now here I am, talking and going on and on but its all because of you, you made me who I am, your love changed me and I hate the fact that its taken me 6 years to realize that I need you in my life!"_

_He stopped and took a breath and looked at her, she looked shocked beyond belief._

"_Wow Jess, I didn't know you had all of those words in you. Where is my monosyllable using guy that I used to know?" She asked jokingly with a smile on her face. She reached over and tousled his hair, just like she used to when they were dating and kissed his jaw. _

"_It'll be okay?" he asked questioningly, looking down at her with questioning eyes._

"_I hope so" she said quietly as she snuggled into his chest and slowly drifted off to sleep._

She still couldn't believe that he had talked that much, she had almost passed out from the shock, but she had contained herself because they were things that really needed to be said if they wanted to salvage any part of their relationship that they had left. Speaking of their relationship, she wasn't even sure whether or not they had one, considering that just 24 hours ago she had been crying on the side of a street about her ex-boyfriend, the one that had asked her to _marry_ him, and now she was sleeping with one of her other ex-boyfriends.

She couldn't help but sigh as she realized that things in her life would never be easy, not when you are a Gilmore anyway.

**AN: Wow, was anyone expecting Jess to talk that much? Haha.**


	8. Chapter 6

Summary: Rory left Stars Hollow in July to go report on Barack Obama's presidency tour

**Chapter 6**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own anything!**

**--**

"RORY!" she heard her grandmother yell as she slowly ran towards the pool house door, cursing when she realized it was locked. Earlier that morning Jess had dropped her off at her grandmothers so she could get her stuff, she was going to be staying with him until she found a place, but for some reason she really didn't _want _to find another place to stay. She and Jess hadn't been together for years, but something about them had just felt right. She knew that she would need to speak to her mother about her new predicament, but as for right now, she had her mother's mother to deal with.

"Grandma!" she said with false enthusiasm as she saw Emily standing outside the mansion's front door. She embraced her grandmother warmly and stepped back, wondering why she had been 'summoned'.

"Your mother called last night" Emily said, "I went out to the pool house to find you then, and this morning, and you were nowhere to be seen. When you informed me that you had decided to move back in for awhile I assumed you would actually be here, but maybe I was misinformed. Does moving back in here just mean that your stuff is here, or are we lucky enough to be graced with your presence as well?" A lot of people didn't realize it, but Emily Gilmore did have a lot of sarcastic genes in her body, as much as she liked to deny it. People always wondered where she and her mother received their infamous wit, and at times it was painfully obvious that it was indeed Emily that they got it from, and this was most definitely one of those times.

"I was out with a friend" she said, trying to mask her expression so that her grandmother wouldn't pick up on her happy expression and ask questions. "What did mom say?"

"Right, she called to inform us that she and Duke had returned from their boating trip" Emily sneered as she said the words boating trip, as if it wasn't an acceptable way to spend their time. "They are engaged again, I wonder how long until they find a reason to call _this _engagement off."

Rory could understand her grandmother's uncertainty towards her mother's engagement to Luke, it wasn't as if it was Lorelai's second engagement, it was actually her third, and the previous two had ended quite badly. She had also been married to Christopher, Rory's father, but once again, it hadn't worked out. Rory knew that deep down her mother knew that she was meant to be with Luke, hell, everyone in Stars Hollow had known for years that her mother was meant to be with Luke, it just took the two of them years longer to finally realize it.

She excused herself from talking to her grandmother and ran into the pool house and grabbed her cell phone, quickly dialing her mother's number.

"Hello, you have reached Gilmore and Danes' HOUSE OF PAIN" she heard her mother say into the phone as she resisted the urge to giggle.

"Mom, how many times do we have to go over this? What if I had been grandma? You know she would have asked many questions, yet you still do it."

"Why yes child of mine, I will not let her sabotage my attempts at happiness, not now and not ever!" she said triumphantly. "By the way, I have some great news O child of mine but I don't know if you'll want to hear it…" her mother trailed off, suddenly sounding nervous.

"What? That you're marrying Luke? Of course I would want to hear it, I love you guys as a couple. We could call you Lukelai, or Loreluke. Well, no. I don't really like those names, got any ideas?"

"Something with coffee" her mother insisted, "and with two of the same letters because Luke and Lorelai both start with L"

"Hmm" she thought for a moment, "DogDiggers?"

"No"

"MochaMakers?

"No"

"JavaJokers?"

"Double No"

"OH I'VE GOT IT'

"What Rory, what is your amazing name for us"

"JavaJunkies!"

"…"

"Mom?"

"…"

"MOM"

"Oh I'm sorry, I was just so astounded by the awesomeness that is that name. It's going on the wedding invitations, and I am so getting Paul Anka a T-Shirt that says "JavaJunkies 4lyfe"

"Spelled L-I-F-E or L-Y-F-E" Rory asked, sounding slightly amused.

"L-Y-F-E, obviously, L-I-F-E is so last season" her mother replied, sounding a lot like her grandmother, she resisted a shudder and asked a question that she had been meaning to ask earlier.

"So why were you afraid to tell me about you and Luke? You know I love Luke, he makes coffee, and I love coffee, so you could do no wrong!"

"Well, I was just trying to be sensitive, you know? About the whole Logan thing, I wasn't sure how you were feeling about engagements these days"

"Oh" Rory replied, not sure exactly what to say to that, considering she had just hours before been sleeping with Jess.

"To be honest mom" Rory said slowly, not sure how she was going to swing this without upsetting her mother, because the last time she had checked, her mother didn't really _like_ Jess. "I haven't really been thinking about him lately, I'm kind of seeing someone else."

"Ooh!" Lorelai gushed, sounding really excited, "what's he look like? Can you send me a picture? Huh? Can you? Please!"

"You already know him mom, I swear I'll tell you all about it when I get home, I can come home, right?" She asked uncertainly, not sure if her room was even her room anymore. Was Kirk still living there? Did her mother have a new house? Were they living in Luke's tiny apartment?

"Yes Rory, Kirk is moving out tomorrow and into the Twickham house, which we bought and are renting to him. We are amazing landlords, Luke and I; we furnished the place for them and everything!"

"Great, so I'll see you this weekend? After you and Luke come for Friday night dinner I'll just go home with you guys, in my car obviously, and I'll go back whenever you guys get tired of me"

"That sound great Rory, hey wait, what do you mean I already know the guy, and you're back in town? What about the job?" her mother seemed worried now, and Rory sighed.

"It's a conversation that is better held in person, trust me" she replied, trying to sound as evasive as possible as she said goodbye to her mother and hung up the phone.

She felt happy, and she hadn't felt this happy in a longtime, it felt unusual to her, she couldn't remember being truly happy in a really long time, even when she and Logan had been together. Nothing could stop the happiness now, not even a nucleur bomb blowing up around her.

She heard her phone vibrating next to her and she picked it up, staring at the caller ID wordlessly as the name flashed on it, as if it was mocking her.

"**Logan"**

She wondered why he was calling, and she wondered why everything seemed to go wrong whenever she started getting happy about where her life was headed. She pushed a button on the phone and let the call go to voicemail; she wasn't going to let him ruin her day, not today, not tomorrow, and never again.

She was done with Logan Huntzberger.

--

"Rory, luv" Finn said, leaving a message on her voicemail, his voice sounding shaky and scared, his hands were shaking as he struggled to keep the phone in his hand.

"I shouldn't have left him alone, it's my entire fault. I should've…" he trailed off, blinking back tears. "You need to come, please, he's at the New Haven Hospital, please come, he needs you, I need you…just please come."

Finn hung up the phone and hung his head in disappointment. In Rory for not picking up her phone, him for not watching Logan closer, Colin for not locking the medicine cabinet the last time he was in there rooting for Tylenol and Logan, for downing all of the pills in the first place.

He had turned his back for less than five minutes; just enough to make a pot of coffee and bring it back to the living room, where he realized that Logan no longer resided. He heard a crash in the bathroom and ran in, skidding to a halt as he saw the scene in front of him. Logan was lying on the floor with various pill bottles scattered around him. Finn tried to wake him, but it was useless, so he did the only thing he could do, he called an ambulance and watched as they loaded his best friend inside and drove off, the siren wailing away.

He sighed as he continued pacing through the halls of the New Haven Hospital waiting room, as his best friends life hung up in the air, as uncertain as could be.

**AN: I know Logan trying to kill himself might be a little extreme, but Rory was his first and only serious girlfriend. He loved her enough to ask him to marry him, even thought it went against everything he had ever been told about being a Huntzberger and having a trophy wife etc. Then, the first time he sees her in four months, he sees her with this guy she used to date, and they look cozy. Plus he was drunk, lonely, upset and obviously depressed and he didn't think that things would ever look up. I think I might do Logan's POV from that moment in the next chapter, or a deleted scene or something at the end of the story, I haven't decided yet. It depends on what you guys want (:**


	9. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**Disclaimer: I still own nothing!**

**--**

_Patience, it took you for everything_

_It looked like a diamond ring_

_And you wore it so much longer than made sense_

_Apathy, in disguise, crept on you like a spy_

_And hurt you in ways you can't describe_

Rory never did check her voicemail; she didn't really care about anything that Logan had to say so she just deleted it without listening to it. She moved in with Jess while leaving all of her big things at her mother's house, except her books, and she was really happy, which was a refreshing considering she had spent the last year or so of her life in total confusion and disarray. She had gotten a job at a local newspaper, one of the few newspapers in the area that was within walking distance of her apartment. She really liked walking in the mornings, especially when Jess would walk with her and they would stop for coffee and danish's, discussing their plans for the day. Within a week she had settled into a life, one she could imagine living in for years to come, which surprisingly didn't scare her. She was on her way back to her mother's house to prepare her for "Saturday night dinner" which was really the code work for dragging her to a welcome back party thrown by Miss. Patty and Babette.

_Back to the start now_

_I won't let you go this way now_

_Honesty is what you need, it sets you free_

_Like someone to save you_

_Let it go, but hurry, though, there's undertow_

_And I don't wanna lose you now_

_Alright, sit down and spill your heart_

She looked at the clock and realized that it was 5:35 and she was supposed to be picking her mother up at 6:30 and Stars Hollow was a good thirty minutes away! She ran into their bedroom, she loved saying that, even in her mind, and grabbed the dress bag that had been hanging on the closet door. Jess had to work that night so he wouldn't be accompanying her to the party, unfortunately. She really wanted to tell her mom about her and Jess, but they had decided to wait until they were comfortable in their new lifestyle together before they decided to tell her. Unfortunately, since she was trying to convince her mother that they were going to be going to her grandmother's for Saturday night dinner, they would be slightly overdressed, but in style at least. She unzipped the dress and pulled out a brown v-necked dress that she had gotten while she had been away, it reminded her of a trench coat and it wasn't too fancy but it wasn't casual either, it was perfect. She added a pair of brown Jimmy Choo's and headed out the door, scrawling Jess a note and leaving it on the calendar incase he had forgotten that she was going to Stars Hollow for the night,.

At 6:40 she arrived at her mother's house and let herself in, where she was embraced in a huge hug by Luke. Her eyes widened as he spun her around, she had forgotten that Luke hadn't been here when she had come over to visit Lorelai the weekend before; he had been out with Jackson, "bonding". Her eyes widened in shock as she saw her mother descend the stairs wear a cute black dress with an asymmetrical strap with pockets. She couldn't help but laugh as she saw the pockets, only her mother would buy a dress with pockets. She greeted her mother and the two of them headed out to the car, where Rory proceeded to drive them to the town square where the whole town, and now Luke, was waiting for them.

_Let's start from the very start_

'_Cause I can see by your eyes you're wasted_

_Your energy comes and goes_

_You've taken your time, and know_

_Nothin' can change what's happened, so_

Par usual, the party was a total smash, and Lorelai ended up drinking way too much of Miss. Patty's punch again. Luke managed to get her home in one piece though, so the crisis was averted. Kirk ended up naked by the end of the night, to the chagrin of poor Lulu, and ran through the streets convinced that he was being chased by a man eating squirrel. Sometimes it was better not to ask what was going through his mind, it was a sure fire way to maintain your sanity.

_Back to the start now_

_I won't let you go this way out_

After the party was winding down Rory headed over to Lane's table where she was sitting with Zach and Brian. Gil hadn't been able to come because his son had gotten sick at the last minute. She sat down in the empty chair next to lane and stuck up a conversation.

"So where are the kids?"

"Mama is watching them" Lane replied, "She thought we needed a baby free night"

"Well did you need a baby free night?" Rory asked when her friend didn't offer any answers.

"Dude, we need a baby free month." Zach whined, "I swear I haven't slept since they were born"

"Well Zach I keep telling you to go back to sleep when I need to breastfeed them, but you insist on being there because 'you're the father;" she said, mimicking him. He rolled his eyes and kissed her cheek while pouting, and of course she instantly forgave him.

Rory desperately wanted to tell Lane that she was seeing Jess again, but for some reason she didn't. Maybe it was because she felt the need to tell her mother first, but for whatever reason, she kept the information to herself and helped herself to another piece of cake before she headed home for the evening. Since her mother was completely smashed she decided to just head for home, so that she could spend the night with Jess. Within 45 minutes she was back at her house and opening the front door. She entered the apartment and looked at the clock; it was around three in the morning. She wondered if he was asleep, but when he walked into the room still fully clothed she realized that he obviously wasn't.

_Honesty is what you need, it sets you free_

_Like someone to save you_

_Let it go, but hurry though, there's undertow_

_And I don't wanna lose (don't want to lose you) now, now_

_Don't wanna lose you now_

(Someone to save you "Hey you're home" he said with a smile on his face as he gave her a kiss, "someone called and left a message earlier."

"Oh yeah, I've got a message for you" she said with a small smirk playing on her face.

"Oh yeah?" he mimicked her, "and what did this message say"

"Follow me and find out" she said mysteriously as she walked into the bedroom, gesturing for him to follow her.

He grinned and followed after her, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her onto the bed while closing the door with his foot as she giggled underneath of him while he slowly kissed her neck.

--

Meanwhile, in New Haven, Logan was staring up at the ceiling of his hospital room. He was on suicide watch, which was totally ridiculous. He was Logan Huntzberger, yet they were treating him like he was some kind of common criminal. The only people who had actually come to visit him were Colin and Finn, everyone else seemed to either not know, or they just didn't care enough to come visit him. He couldn't help but think back to the moment, which probably wasn't healthy, but he needed to. He needed to figure out what he did wrong, he needed to fix it.

Things had been great, her grandparents had sung her a song, he had made the toast and she had seemed happy. She had even seemed happy when he showed her the ring, but she still had said no. She had avoided his gaze at the ceremony and he had known it, he had known that she was going to say no, but he had let her say it because in the end, it was ultimately her choice, he couldn't force her to marry him. She had said no, and he would have to live with it, or try.

_Oh my, look how your bright star's faded so_

_How much can you take?_

He hadn't meant to kill himself, he knew that if he said it out loud that they wouldn't believe him, he had downed three bottles of pain killers. He couldn't help but laugh at the fact that it was the second time in four months that his stomach had needed to be pumped, his dad was probably pissed. He wondered what part would piss his father off more, the fact that he had tried to kill himself or the fact that he hadn't succeeded. A failure is a failure, and Mitchum would probably find some way to blame himself for the media, to cover-up his failure of a son. He always did.

"_I'll make you some coffee mate" Finn said as he stood up and left the room. Logan finished off the bottle of vodka he was drinking and sighed heavily, even Finn's apartment, that Rory had never been in, reminded him of her. He tried to shrug it off but her picture was implanted in his memory, and he couldn't erase it. He felt the tears coming as memories of her and the poet guy flashed before his eyes. The two of them outside her grandmother's house, the two of them in the restaurant, when he had seen them outside the restaurant, their fight after she had come back inside, and then yesterday when he had seen them together. Then the false memories started to implant in his head. Images of him, Jess, kissing her, touching her, loving her, it made him sick. He felt like he was going to throw up so he headed into Finn's bathroom and froze when he saw his reflection in the mirror._

_It had been months since he seen his reflection, it hurt too much to look at it so after awhile he had just avoided looking as much as he could. He hadn't realized how bad he looked. His eyes were sullen and red, from the drinking and from his crying, he surmised, and he had deep circles under his eyes, it was evident he hadn't been sleeping. His skin was pale and gaunt, looking slightly green around the edges. His lips were cracked and peeling, he looked disgusting. He was disgusted with himself. She was just a girl and here he was, falling apart in his friend's apartment. He suddenly felt a headache coming on and he noticed that the medicine cabinet was unlocked for once, which was very odd considering that Finn had always kept the thing locked. He reached inside and pulled out the bottles, forgetting which one it was that was supposed to help hangovers. He couldn't remember so he just took one of each, and for some reason it felt liberating, so he took another one, and then another. Before he realized it, all of the bottles were empty, and he was starting to feel light headed. The tears trickled down his cheeks as his thoughts went back to her yet again as his body fell to the floor with a thud. He vaguely remembered Finn coming into the bathroom and calling an ambulance, and then everything went dark._

Deep down inside he knew that he was spiraling out of control, but he didn't know how to stop it.

_Honesty is what you need, it sets you free_

_Like someone to save you_

_Let it go, but hurry though, there's undertow_

_And I don't wanna lose you now_

_Na na, na na na na na naaaa…_

_Someone to save you_

_Someone to save you_

_Someone to save…you_

**AN: I thought the song was kind of appropriate since Logan needs someone to save him? Lol Idk, I just like the song and I was listening to it while writing the chapter and it kind of meshed. The song is by One Republic and it's called "Someone to Save You"**


	10. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

**--**

Before she had even realized it, Christmas had rolled around. It was December 22nd, and she was alarmed at the fact that she still hadn't found anything for Jess. She had considered getting him the Hemmingway complete collection, but it seemed too impersonal. Then it hit her, she would get him the collection and add _her notes_ in the margin, which would show to him that a) she had read them, and b) that she cared enough about him to comment on Ernest and actually finish reading his books. So while she was back in Stars Hollow visiting her mom, with Jess, she had picked them up. When she saw her mom and Jess walking together towards the book store she couldn't help but smile as she thought back to the night where she "introduced" her mother to her boyfriend.

"_Roryy" Lorelai practically screeched as she ran across the lawn and embraced her smiling daughter as they tumbled sideways and fell into a pile of leaves. She blew a leave off of her face and laughed loudly as they realized that all of their reunions always ended up with the two of them laughing and on the ground. Rory helped her mother up off of the ground and dusted off her pants. Lorelai could tell that Rory was nervous, but she wasn't sure why._

"_Hey Rore, you seem nervous, what's up? Did you commit murder on your way to see me? Because you know that you can only Bonnie and Clyde it up when I'm with you, right?" Rory just rolled her eyes and shifted her weight from one foot to another, avoiding looking her mother in the eyes._

"_Mom, you know I love you right, and you love me? No matter what?" Lorelai looked at her as if she had spurted another head and nodded, confused beyond belief._

"_Is Luke here?" Rory asked randomly, looking past her mother towards the house._

"_Can you go get him? Please? I need to tell the two of you something" Lorelai just nodded and Rory followed her mother into the house and waited in the kitchen while Lorelai headed upstairs to get Luke. The two of them came down about five minutes later and they all sat at the table in the kitchen, waiting for someone to speak._

"_Okay right, I need to tell you something. I don't know how you're going to react so I need you to brace yourself okay? I mean, its going to be unexpected and you're going to freak out and ask me if I'm crazy and Luke you're probably going to be mad and—" she was cut off by the sound of a door opening and closing in the foyer, she froze and her eyes widened, totally forgetting that she had told Jess to meet her at her mothers house, and to let himself in, around 6. She had originally planned on meeting her mother and Luke for dinner at the Dragonfly, but she had overslept and had gotten to Stars Hollow late, so she hadn't told them about the relationship yet. She felt like smacking herself in the head for forgetting to call him after she had woken up that morning, but it was too late now._

"_In the kitchen" she yelled back, closing her eyes and sighing as she waited for the accusations to start._

"_Rory, what.." her mother started, but was cut off when she saw Jess Mariano walk into her kitchen carrying what looked to be the fattest cat on earth, the sight alone made her want to erupt in giggles. She looked over at Luke and saw that he looked even more shocked than she did, and his gaze was directly focused on the cat._

"_Mom, meet my boyfriend Jess. Jess, meet my mother Lorelai and my soon to be step-father Luke Danes"_

"_Nice to meet you Lorelai" he said with a nod, "and you too Mr. Danes"_

_The whole room suddenly went quiet, not a sound was uttered until the cat in Jess' hands meowed loudly, causing everyone in the entire room to crack up, clutching their sides as they laughed so hard that they started to cry, well everyone except Jess and Luke anyway. They were avoiding each others eyes, obviously feeling very awkward since the last time they had encountered each other, they had one of those tender "I love you but there is no way I'm going to say it out loud" moments. Jess coughed and gestured to the cat in his arms._

"_This is Dodger, he is…well…a cat?" He didn't really know what to say, it was really awkward to be around Lorelai and Luke, especially since he knew them especially well._

"_Well" Lorelai said, looking him in the eye. "I definitely didn't except to see you again." _

"_Not that it's a bad thing." she said quickly as she saw his face fall ever so slightly. He must not have been perfecting his poker face lately if he wore his emotions on his sleeve like that. She actually considered the notion that maybe he had changed, but she wasn't so sure. She opened her mouth to say something else but before she could, Rory had thrust a book in her hand and told her to open it up to page 67._

_**AN: the excerpt from Jess' novel in the flashback will be in bold**__**.**_

"_**For some reason that I've never been able to comprehend, Lucinda Victoria Hayden, mother of one Lucinda Leigh Hayden the third, invited my Uncle Duke to dinner at her house, and extended the invitation to me. When I think about it, it was her kindness that resulted in me meeting Lucy, which resulted in changing my world forever. I know I've never told Lucinda how much I appreciated her invitation, because at that point in my life I wasn't ready to accept an adult trying to tell me what to do. **_

_**The night started off very uncomfortable, it was the first night I had ever met Lucy. She was just sitting there, in her school uniform, doing homework or something. I had never seen anyone like her, she was so different than the girls that went to my old high school (when I actually attended) and she was so smart, you could tell by looking around her room. Well, I could tell since she had a copy of Proust open on her bed, and dumb girls wouldn't be reading, or attempting to read, Proust. When I went into her room I noticed right away that Lucy was meant for bigger things than Stars Hollow could offer her, I think everyone did. It was her presence when you were around her, it just made you want to go out into the world and make an honest living, to be something that people knew you couldn't be, not on your own.**_

_**I still find it vaguely funny that the first time I met her; I stole one of her books. It wasn't funny that I stole from her; it was the book that I stole, Howl. A book she must have been reading at the time, and she offered to let me read it. I told her I didn't read much, which couldn't be any farther than the truth. Growing up on the streets, you had one of two choices. You could hang out at the book store or you could hang out behind the school and get stoned with all of the other kids. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not going to tell you that I never smoked with them, because I did, but I preferred hanging out in the library to getting stoned out behind the school. But anyway, later on, when I returned the book to her, with my own personal comments scribbled into the margins, she called me Dodger, assuming that I wouldn't get the reference. The one thing Lucy hadn't counted on, was that I did read, a lot, and would know what she meant, the look on her face when I told her that Dodger was a character from Oliver Twist? Hilarious.**_

_**But getting back to that night, I basically made a complete ass of myself in front of her mother, which was probably one of the biggest mistakes of my life, which I still regret to this day. Lucinda had invited me into her home, and I had taken advantage of it, grabbing one of the beer's out of the fridge and taking it outside to drink, where I thought she wouldn't find me. Unfortunately for me, she did find me, and she was not pleased. We got into a fight and after that night, she didn't really like me, hated me even. Every time she could find the opportunity, she would remind Lucy, and my Uncle Duke that I was 'no good', and she wasn't wrong. I wasn't good for her daughter, I probably never will be, and that's partially why I left her.**_

_**I know, this is the part where everyone reading wants to kick me. Yes, I got the girl, and what did I do? Yep, that's right, I ran. Her mother had almost accepted me at that point, things were getting so much better, but in that one moment I had ruined everything with her once again, and I have no one to blame but myself, even though there are many other people that I could blame. I will never tell Lucinda this, but about a month ago I actually saw her in Hartford with her then husband Alexander Hayden. To be completely honest, I was very shocked that she hadn't ended up with my uncle. They had been engaged for awhile but for some reason, which I never actually found out until my mother, now sober, had called and told me that I wouldn't need to come down for the wedding after all. Something about an illegitimate daughter and a breakup, and that was all I was told. Somewhere inside I regretted the fact that I would never see my Uncle Duke let Lucinda make him as happy as Lucy had made me, but I pushed it to the back of my mind along with all of my other thoughts about Lucy and her mother, better reserved for another time.**_

_**But now I've gone off topic. Anyway, Lucinda didn't see me, but I couldn't help but noticed the wedding rings that adorned their fingers. When she came outside to greet them, I felt my heart freeze in my chest. There she was, the girl that had been cluttering up my heart for years, within my grasp, but not really. She was with him, Darren Shawartzebeger, (see chapter 5), and Lucinda looked at him as if she was the son she had never gotten but had always wanted, and that's when I knew it. I knew that no matter how successful I may get, and no matter how I change, in Lucinda's eyes, I would never be good enough for her Lucy, the damage couldn't be undone."**_

_When Lorelai finished reading the excerpt she looked up at Jess with tears in her eyes, and was unable to form a sentence. Rory gaped at her boyfriend in shock, the first person on the face of the earth who had rendered a Gilmore girl speechless. She watched her mother attempt to form a coherent sentence as Luke read the pages that Lorelai still held in her hands. _

"_I forgive you" she randomly blurted out, staring at him in the face. He looked confused, and she continued on._

"_I forgive you for stealing my beer, and I forgive you for breaking my daughters arm"_

"_It was a hairline fracture" Rory muttered._

"…_and I forgive you for leaving her, only because you came back" she said quietly, "but if you leave again, I wont be so forgiving, Do we have an understanding?"_

"Yes ma'am" he said sarcastically, but still remaining serious so that she knew that he meant what he was saying".

"_Good, and by the way, you are good enough" she stood up, a grin on her face, "now who wants Thai?"_

Luke and Jess just groaned, both muttering comments about having to burn the place down afterwards as both Gilmore girl's poured over the menus in front of them, trying to decide what to order.

"Hey" Jess said as he sidled up to her, planting a kiss on her forehead. She smiled up at him and hid the bag behind her back as she had caught him trying to sneak a peak at it,

"Nuhuh, no looking Jess. I want it to be a surprise, and you know how angry I would be if you tried to peak again, right?" she said, pouting slightly. He sighed, she knew he wouldn't be able to resist the pout, and pulled back a little, allowing her to rest her forehead on his shoulder. She sighed contentedly as they headed out of the store. Lorelai had gone to go get the movie rentals so it was just the two of them as they walked back towards the Gilmore house. She interlocked their fingers together as they continued walking towards the house. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she almost fell down when Jess abruptly stopped walking. She caught herself and looked up at Jess, wondering why he had stopped walking. His eyes were cold, fixing a glare towards the front of her house. She turned in the direction and froze as her eyes fixed on the person sitting on her porch.

--

_Every time I think of you_

_I always catch my breath_

_I'm still standing here_

_and you're miles away_

_and I wonder why you left_

_and there's a storm that's raging_

_through my frozen heart tonight_

It was un-fucking-believable that his parents had told the doctors not to release him until _after_ Christmas. They claimed that all of the "festiveness" would interfere with his recovery. He just rolled his eyes and looked over at the calendar on the wall, it was the 22nd of December, three days before Christmas, and his parents hadn't came to see him once in over a month. They had decided that after his suicide attempt, their words not his, he needed to spend some time in rehab. So that's where he was, for Christmas.

Un-fucking-believable.

I hear your name in certain circles

and it always makes me smile

I spend my time thinking about you

and its almost driving me wild

but its my heart thats breaking

down this long distance line tonight

and I ain't missing you at all

since youve been gone away

I ain't missing you

no matter what I might say

theres a message in the wires

and i'm sending you a signal tonight

you dont know how desperate i've become

and it looks like i'm losing this fight

but its my heart thats breaking

down this long dusty road of mine

_and I ain't missing you at all_

_since you've been gone away_

_I ain't missing you_

_no matter what my friend say_

He knew that they just didn't want him around any of their society parties, he wasn't naïve. Shira probably thought that his presence would ruin any gathering she decided to throw, that he would embarrass her somehow. If he did go to one of their parties, he wouldn't even talk to those 'friends' of hers, let alone tell them personal information about the Huntzberger family.

Even Colin and Steph had stopped coming by to visit him. After he had snapped at the two of them for the twentieth time, Steph had basically asked him whether or not he even _wanted_ them there, and in a fit of anger he had said no. They hadn't been back since. Finn still came back once in awhile, with his girlfriend Raine. The two of them had recently gotten serious, and the girl was pretty nice, and obviously a red head. She kept him grounded, and sober, so she was okay in his books. The two of them tried to come at least once a week, but there schedules were really busy so sometimes they just didn't have the time, and they only ever seemed to come together, Finn never actually came by himself. Logan assumed it was because he could have very well ended up in a place like this had his alcoholism continued the way it had been before they had graduated, either that or he wouldn't have gotten alcohol poisoning or liver disease, something of the sort.

_and there's a message that I'm sending out_

_like a telegraph to your soul_

_I cant bridge this distance_

_cant start those heartache_

_She_ hadn't visited either, not once. He had left her messages at her mother's house, but no one had ever called back. Finn had said that he had left her a message on her cell phone the night of the incident and she had never called him back then either, not even a text message. It hurt him to think that she didn't even care if he lived or died, was she that involved with _Jess, _he sneered as he thought of his name, that she didn't care about him at all anymore? Somewhere deep down he didn't think that she didn't care about him anymore, he thought that deep down inside of her there must have been some part of her that cared about him, they had been together for almost three years, that had to mean something, right?

_Oh lord I ain't missing you at all_

_since you've been gone away_

_I ain't missing you_

_no matter what my friends say_

It wasn't that he missed her, because he didn't. It was just that they had always been friends, even before they had started dating. So as a friend, she should have been there for him, or at least called. It wasn't as if he had broke her heart, he had proposed and she had rejected him, if anyone had the right to be mad it was him, it was all her fault that they were no longer together. For a long time he had tried to hate her, tried so hard that it had nearly killed him, but no matter what he did he could never get her face out of his mind. That was the shitty thing about being in love with someone; it wasn't just something you could get over, no matter how hard you might try. He felt yet another fit of angry rage and picked up the glass of water on his bedside table and threw it at the wall, feeling better as it smashed into a thousand pieces.

_At least now I'm not the only thing that's broken_, he thought, as he stared at the shards of glass on the floor.

_I ain't missing you at all_

_since you've been gone away_

_I ain't missing you_

_no matter what your friends say_

He still loved her, and if he still loved her after everything she did to him, how could she not be in love with him? With his newfound revelation in mind, he stumbled out of the bed, surprised by how weak he was after barley moving everyday for the past trhee weeks. He went over to the closet where Steph had hung up some of his clothes the last time she had been there, putting them on along with his shoes. He stuck his head out the door and looked around, when he was satisfied that the coast was clear, he walked out and headed towards the door. He heard someone call his name but he kept walking faster. When he got outside he walked for a couple blocks and flagged down a cab.

"Where to sir?" the driver asked after he had slipped in the back.

"Stars Hollow"

_No no_

_I ain't missing you at all_

_since you've been gone away_

_I ain't missing you_

_no matter what my friends say_


	11. Chapter 9

Chapter 8

**Chapter 9**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

**AN: I think everyone is going to like this chapter, you'll see why!**

**--**

_Situations are irrelevant now. She loves the way that I tease,_

_I love the way that she breathes_

_I touched her ooh, she touched my ahhh, it was the craziest thing._

"What are _you_ doing here?" She said, narrowing her eyes in his direction. It had been months since she had last heard from him, she didn't even think about him anymore, well not often. She had almost completely erased Logan Huntzberger from her life. She could almost feel Babette's eyes watching the scene that was about to enfold right there on the lawn, but at this moment she didn't care. She was pissed, how dare he come here to ruin her Christmas?

"Nice to see you too, ace" he said with his trademark smirk plastered on his face. He walked down the stairs to stand in front of Rory and Jess, the smirk never leaving his face. He could almost feel Jess' fury radiating between them, creating quite the tension in the air. He looked back over at Rory, who was quivering. He wasn't sure if it was from pleasure, anger or something else, it had been so long since he'd been so close to her that he couldn't really read her emotions anymore.

"I have a name, try using it" She said, scowling at him.

"Ouch. Why so hostile? I never did anything to you" he said, his smirk faltering just slightly, he had spent hours on the drive over perfecting his poker face; he wasn't going to let her comments sabotage him now.

"Probably because I'm here, talking to you"

Or maybe he was.

_I love the girls who hate to love because they're just like me. A_

_certain girl she took my hand and ran it up her thigh. She licked_

_her lips and pulled my hair, I fall in love for a night_

_She can't behave and I'm just a slave, don't worry I'll be gone when_

_the morning comes._

"Ace, please" he sighed, "I just want to talk"

"I've got nothing to say to you" she said, and then looking over at Jess, she added, "We've got nothing to say to you"

He winced as he noticed the finality in her tone, she was over him, she had moved on.

"Ace please" he called after her as she started up the steps, "please don't do this, I need to talk to you…about us"

He knew right after her brought up them as a couple that she was going to get mad. He winced as he saw her turn around, the anger blazing in her beautiful blue eyes. He prepared himself for her angry words, but wasn't prepared for her cold porcelain hand slamming into his face, knocking him to the ground. He winced as he stood up, brushing the dirt off of his pants and trying to ignore Jess' laughs. He sighed and moved towards Rory again, but she wasn't done, not by a long shot.

_Darling what is going on?_

_Honestly that never happened lying is your favorite passion._

_Leave me, go where you belong_

_Hired heels and lipstick napkins dying is your latest fashion._

"No Logan, you listen to me. You said you wanted to move forward and I said I wasn't ready. Okay? I wasn't ready, it was a big step. You know how important and testy marriage is in the Gilmore house. I love my mother and my dad so much, but you saw how marriage ruined them, and how many engagements my mother has been through. Gilmore Girl's just don't deal well with spur of the moment commitment, it doesn't work. You knew that, and you still proposed. For god's sakes Logan, I'd even told you that I hated all of the times that my mother ended up broken because she jumped into things too quickly. I loved you, and I wanted to be with you, just not then. You didn't want to wait"

"Rory I" he tried to say, but she cut him off.

_The frustration it's a regular thing_

_I hate the ones who love to hate because they're just like me._

_A certain girl she took her hand and put in my lap_

_It's way too full she said once you have me you'll always come back._

"No Logan, I'm not done. I told you I wasn't ready, that I might not ever be ready. You weren't willing to wait for me, you wanted me in the then, I think we both know that it never would have worked out between us, so I have no clue why you're here. I didn't give the ultimatum, which was your doing. I was happy with staying the same, staying together, but you weren't, you thought you wanted more and you weren't going to accept anything less. Well that's just too damn bad for you because you missed out, you didn't want to wait and I didn't want to get married, so that was it. You know what? I'm okay with it, I'm really glad we decided to end things because it helped me realize why I wasn't ready to be with you forever, deep down I was still in love with Jess" she paused and turned around to cast a smile at Jess, who just smiled back.

"It's over between us Logan. Everything we had is gone, why are you here? Why can't you leave me alone? I love Jess, and I'm not trying to hurt you, its just the truth. I'm not going to be the girl who stands in front of a guy and says she loves him but not enough. I won't be that girl, I won't be the girl who can't make up her fucking mind, I'm not her and I don't want to be her." She took a deep breath and finally looked into his eyes and was startled at what she saw. She saw pure hatred and lust radiating from his eyes. It was unknown to her, and before she could even contemplate as to what it meant, his lips had found their way to hers.

_She can't behave and I'm just a slave, don't worry I'll be gone when_

_the morning comes._

_Darling what is going on?_

_Honestly that never happened lying is your favorite passion_

_Leave me, go where you belong_

_Hired heels and lipstick napkins dying is your latest fashion._

She was so surprised that her brain shut down for a second, she was unaware as to what was happening, and then it hit her.

_I know you love to insist and all it takes is a kiss and you just_

_love to hate me._

Logan, kissing her

_You know you love all the lies so don't act surprised that I just_

_love to hate you._

Jess, fuming.

_I kissed your lips you pulled my hair it was the craziest thing. I_

_Love the girls who love to hate. (Breathing)_

She threw her hands out against his chest and tried to push him off of her, to no avail. She hit him repeatedly with her hands, but he wouldn't relent. After a few seconds she was relieved to see Jess heading their way. Within seconds, Jess had ripped Logan away from her and lunged at him, sending them both tumbling towards the ground.

She watched, eyes agape, as the two men rolled around on the ground kicking and punching each other. She quickly stepped out of the way as Logan rolled past her with Jess wailing on his face.

"Guys stop!" She shouted, to no avail, as they continued to throw punches at each other. Jess was hardly touched; it was Logan who was taking the brunt of the beating. She tried to step in between them but almost got hit in the face, so she stepped back again and pulled out her cell phone, resisting the urge to start crying.

"Mom it's me" she said after she had dialed her mom's cell phone number. "I need you to get Luke and whatever guys he has at the diner to get home as fast as you can. Logan showed up and now he and Jess are fighting and someone's going to get hurt!" she cried as the tears started to flow. She saw Jess stand to go over to her, to comfort her, but Logan lunged at him and knocked him back to the ground, straddling his stomach as he pounded on his face.

_(Whoa) Darling what is going on?_

_Honestly that never happened_

_Lying is your favorite passion_

_Leave me, go where you belong _

_Hired heels and lipstick napkins, dying is your latest fashion_

Rory gasped as Jess' head hit the ground with a thwap as he groaned loudly. He shakily stood up and brought his hand to the back of his head. When he withdrew his hand he saw a thin layer of blood on his hand. He stared at it, and then at Logan, then as he turned back to Rory, he fell to the ground.

"Oh my god" Rory screeched as she ran to Jess' side. She saw Logan rush towards them as well but her glare caused him to stop and just stand there. He pulled out his cell phone and called an ambulance to the residence just as all of the towns folk were showing up.

"What is wrong with you?" Rory said, looking up at him with tears in her eyes. "Are you trying to hurt me by hurting him?"

"No Rory, I swear" he pleaded, trying to reason with her. "I didn't mean for…" but he was cut off by something heavy hitting his jaw. He fell back towards the ground and looked up, shocked to see Lorelai Gilmore standing in front of him, anger flashing through her eyes just as it had through her daughter's just minutes earlier.

"I suggest you leave, just incase Jess or Rory decide to press charges" Lorelai said firmly and coldly, not even looking at him.

"But..." he started, only to be silenced by the look in her eye.

"Leave"

_Darling (Leave Me) what is going on?_

_Honestly that never happened_

_Lying is your favorite passion_

_Leave me (Darling) go where you belong_

_Hired heels and lipstick napkins, dying is your favorite passion _

He stood up slowly, and turned away from the house. He walked past the whispering crowd and onto the sidewalk. As he was walking to the bus stop he felt as if everyone in the town was giving him dirty looks. It was baffling really, considering that when he had first came to Stars Hollow with Rory; they had loved him and thought that he was "the best thing to happen to this town in years". Now they all looked at him like if he made even one wrong move, that they would jump him and hang him from the lamp post. He started walking quicker than he normally would have and sat down by the bus depot, not having brought anymore money with him then he had given the taxi driver earlier.

He sighed as he wiped a trickle of blood away from his mouth. The poet had probably broken his jaw, he could sue. Well technically he couldn't sue, since the poet was on his way to the hospital because of injuries that he had technically caused. He sighed once again as he thought back to what Rory had said earlier.

She couldn't have been telling the truth, there's no way she could have moved on so quickly, not after all that they had been through. There was no way he was going to give up, not until she admitted that she still loved him.

She was lying, she had to be, and he wasn't going to rest until she admitted it.

_Darling (Leave Me) what is going on?_

_Honestly that never happened_

_Lying is your favorite passion_

**AN: The song is "Situations" by Escape the Fate. I was listening to the song while I was writing the chapter and it just seemed to fit, I don't know.**

**Review please! XD**


	12. Chapter 10

Chapter 8

**Chapter Ten**

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

--

_Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face  
You told me how proud you were but I walked away  
If only I knew what I know today_

He massaged his jaw and leaned back into the uncomfortable seat, sighing quietly as he ran his hand through his tangled blonde hair. He was ashamed of himself, unable to believe that he had actually done what he had just done. He may not have thrown the first punch, but by kissing Jess' girlfriend he might as well have done so. Now the poet was in the hospital, and he wasn't even a poet. Logan wasn't sure why he kept calling him the poet, it didn't really make sense. Nothing was making sense except the pounding sensation in the back of his head signaling the fact that someone had pounded the shit out of him just minutes before. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep it off, but it just wasn't happening. He was forced to see the horrified expression on her face in his mind over and over again, screaming at him to stop because she loved _him._ His heart was tearing apart on the inside, he hadn't believed that it could possibly get any worse, but that look on her face, the fear, had torn into pieces so small that he didn't believe they could even be repaired.

_I would hold you in my arms  
I would take the pain away  
Thank you for all you've done  
Forgive all your mistakes  
There's nothing I wouldn't do  
To hear your voice again  
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there_

He wanted to take her pain away, the pain that he knew she would be feeling right now, but it would be extremely hard to take away the pain, especially since he had caused it. He also felt guilty. Guilty that Jess was lying in a hospital bed because he had let his emotions get the best of him. He wasn't a violent person by nature; he had only ever really been in two fights in his entire life, this one being the second. The first one had been in grade school, no real damage had been done and then it had blow over the next time, no harm done. But this one wasn't going to go away the next day, he knew that. He had probably royally fucked over whatever small chance there had been that he and Rory could rekindle their broken relationship, and now he had fucked over whatever remaining chances he had had of being friends with the girl. He closed his eyes, fighting back the tears that were once again threatening to pool out and spill onto his bruised and battered cheek. Before he had met Rory Gilmore, Logan Huntzberger had never cried in front of anyone, she had made him change himself, but now that she was gone he just didn't care about anyone or anything anymore.

--

_I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do  
And I've hurt myself by hurting you  
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit  
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss  
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this_

Her hand trembled as she attempted to hold the coffee cup to her lips as she sat in the Stars Hollow Hospital waiting room. She knew the coffee was going to be horrendous, but that wasn't why she couldn't bring herself to drink it. She was afraid that if she even tried to move her hands, even just a little, that their trembling would cause the cup of coffee to crash onto the floor. She felt someone holding her arm comfortingly but she didn't look over, her eyes weren't going to leave the revolving door as she waited for someone, anyone to walk out of it.

They had been sitting and waiting for almost 2 hours, and she wasn't sure how much longer she was going to be able to stand it. 2 hours and they hadn't come out once, not even to say that he was still alive. For all she knew he could be…

_Would you tell me I was wrong?  
Would you help me understand?  
Are you looking down upon me?  
Are you proud of who I am?_

She didn't want to go there, as long as she didn't think it, it wouldn't happen. Slowly she lowered her trembling hands to the table in front of her as she set the cup of coffee down onto it and wrapped her arms around herself, hugging her body. She felt sick to her stomach as images from the afternoon flew through her mind. She winced inwardly as her mother hugged her. It just wasn't the same as one of his hugs.

It was funny how it always took the most severe actions to help her realize her true feelings. While she had been with Jess things had been great, she had slowly found herself adjusting to his life and introducing him to the aspects of her life. Things had finally been fitting into place, they had finally been happy, but it wouldn't last, it never did.

The first time they had been happy, he left. Then he came back, told her he loved her, and left again. Then he came back, asked her to leave with him, she refused and then he left her yet again. His leaving had seemed to become a reoccurring theme in their relations, until they finally saw each other again outside of her grandmother's house. She couldn't help but feel like smiling as she thought back to that moment, the shock that she had felt when she had turned around and bam, there he was! It was a turning point in her life, having him yell at her for quitting Yale and "throwing her life away", but it solved the problem and got them to where they needed to be.

_There's nothing I wouldn't do  
To have just one more chance  
To look into your eyes and see you looking back_

She closed her eyes and bit her lip, trying to stifle the sobs that the memories were causing to spill out of her. Before she knew what was happening, her mother had pulled her onto her lap and she was sobbing into her hair.

"Mommy, I can't lose him. _I love him"_

It was funny, this was the first time she had said it out loud since they had gotten back together, and it wasn't even to him.

--

He disembarked the bus and carried his bag up the stairs and into his apartment. He sighed as he threw the bag down onto the couch and flopped down next to it, cradling his head in his hands.

The room alone brought back so many memories, memories that made him so happy but so sad at the same time, memories that all revolved around her.

He remembered the first time they had made love, right there on the couch. He remembered the party she had thrown for him before he left for London where she had been wearing that ridiculously cute outfit, and he even remembered the day when they had just been randomly sitting on the couch when she had told him about a dream she had where they had been living in a house with three children and they were ridiculously happy. Then he remembered the fights, his drinking, her crying, and the refused marriage proposal. When he put it all in perspective, maybe he wasn't the man for her.

Maybe she was better off with Jess.

_I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do  
And I've hurt myself  
If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that  
I've missed you since you've been away_

But that didn't make him love her any less.

--

After having sat in the waiting room for over an hour after her mini-breakdown, Rory was tired of waiting for someone to come talk to them. As soon as she stood up, the doors swung open and a doctor came out of it.

"Family of Jess Mariano?" the doctor asked. Rory, Lorelai and Luke hurried over to the doctor. Lorelai explained that she was married to Jess' uncle and the doctor began to explain what had happened to Jess.

"He sustained minor injuries to the back of his head, as I'm sure you're aware" the doctor started, "there may be some side effects but there should be no permanent damages. You can see him briefly right now but you should know that…" before the doctor could continue, Rory had rushed past him towards where the doctor had said Jess' room was. When she got to the door she paused and took a deep breath as she turned the door knob and entered the room.

_Oh, it's dangerous  
It's so out of line to try to turn back time_

"Hey" she said quietly as she sat down in the chair next to his bed, ruffling his hair lightly as her fingers trailed down his cheek. She leaned in to give him a kiss but hesitated as he seemed to shy away from her. She looked down at him, confused when she saw his large brown eyes staring at her warily.

"Uh…do I know you?"

_I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do  
And I've hurt myself_

By hurting you

**AN: Cliffhanger! XD**


	13. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

**Disclaimer: I still own nothing!**

**---**

"_**Uh…do I know you**__?"_

_Without you, the ground thaws, the rain falls, the grass grows.  
Without you, the seeds root, the flowers bloom, the children play.  
The stars gleam, the poets dream, the eagles fly, without you.  
The earth turns, the sun burns, but I die, without you._

She felt as if her world was crashing around her. Unable to breathe, she stumbled back from the bed as if she had been burned, the frightened look in his eyes etched into her mind. She choked back her strangled sobs as she backed away to the door and fumbled with the doorknob, trying to get it to open up. When she couldn't get it to open she allowed her body to sink to the floor as she curled up into the fetal position trying to control her emotions so that she could get up off of the floor and get the hell out of that room and away from the Jess that wasn't her Jess. He was still looking at her with his frightened expression and she was forced to look away, her heart unable to take the scared look he was fixing her with. When she had finally controlled herself enough to get out of the room, she saw that her mom and Luke were entering the room. As the two of them trailed into the room she stood at the back, by the door as Jess greeted the two of them like he had known them his whole life, even though he technically had know Luke for the majority of his life. He seemed to remember everything about Lorelai, but he didn't remember her at all. While her mother and her husband were distracted, she slowly snuck out of the room and was immediately ambushed by the doctor.

_Without you, the stars roar the breeze warms, the girl smiles, the cloud moves.  
Without you, the tides change, the boys run, the oceans crash.  
The crowds roar, the days soar, the babies cry, without you.  
The moon glows, the river flows, but I die, without you. _

"Leaving already miss?" the doctor asked, obviously shocked that the woman in front of him had waited three and a half hours just to go in there for five minutes.

"He…" she said slowly, trying to control her emotions. "He didn't remember me"

The doctor looked confused, "what do you mean?"

"When I sat down in front of him he looked scared, and then he asked me who I was" she said as a lone tear trickled down her cheek, "and he recognized my mom even though he met her after he met me, why is that?"

"I don't know" the doctor said, his heart going out to the sorrowful woman in front of him "I'll have some tests run"

_The world revives  
Colors renew  
But I know blue, only blue, lonely blue, within me blue._

Rory just nodded and exited the hospital. She got into the front seat of her car and looked up to look at herself in the mirror when she caught a glimpse of something in the backseat. It was Jess' coat, still stained with his blood from his fight with Logan. She doubled over clutching her stomach as all of the day's emotions came swirling at her all at once. She gasped for breath as he tears overcame her, glad that she hadn't started to drive away.

As the tears clouded her vision she couldn't help but wonder what was going to happen. What if he never remembered her? What if he had permanent damage and he ended up dying? He was only 22; he was too young to die. She couldn't lose him, not after she had just finally gotten him back!

_Without you, the hand gropes, the ear hears, the pulse beats.  
Without you, the eyes gaze, the legs walk, the lungs breathe._

If she lost him now…

_The mind churns!  
The mind churns!  
_

She didn't know what she would do

_The heart yearns!  
The heart yearns!_

_The tears dry, without you.  
Life goes on, but I'm gone.  
Cause I die, without you._

_Without you_

----

_Hello, I love you._

_Won't you tell me your name?_

_Hello, I need you_

_like a bullet to my brain_

He lifted the scotch glass up to his mouth with trembling fingers as he downed the shot and placed the glass back on the bar. He winced as the amber liquid burned the whole way down his throat and he motioned for the bartender to give him another one. It had been almost 6 hours since he had gotten back from Stars Hollow, and he had been in the bar almost the entire time. At some point he had called Finn to come drink with him but around hour three they had gotten into a fight and Finn had left him there.

"_Blimey Mate, you look horrendous" Finn said as he slid into the bar stool next to Logan's, wincing as he saw the man down yet another shot. Finn wasn't sure if Logan was even allowed to drink after just getting out of rehab, but he wasn't going to bring it up, not tonight anyway. Logan looked, well, broken. Every time he saw his friend like that it just kept getting more and more painful. _

"_Well gee thanks Finn, that's exactly why I called you down here" Logan snarled at him as he downed yet another shot and winced at the burning in his throat._

"_I'm sorry Logan, you know I didn't mean it" Finn apologized_

"_Well that's too bad, you shouldn't have said it if you didn't mean it. No one here needs your sense of humor Finn, humor went out the door hours ago so maybe you should go with it" Finn knew that Logan didn't mean the things he was saying, but he was still annoyed._

"_Fine, suffer on friend." Finn downed the shot of liquor that had been sitting in front of Logan and took off out of the bar, never turning back._

He wasn't sure how, but somehow he had ended up back in his apartment. He was alone and there seemed to be no alcohol in sight, probably his fathers doing. He sighed and ruffled his hair with his hand, memories of her were still burned into his head, and he couldn't escape them.

_It seems I'm never breaking free_

_while you sit and watch me bleed_

_when the night falls there's nowhere to go_

Everywhere he turned there was another memory of how bad he had screwed up, how his mistakes had cost him every ounce of happiness he would probably ever have. He felt the tears coming to his eyes but he fought them back, he wasn't going to cry over her anymore, he was done!

_I won't let you in let you see me cry_

_I can't give you that satisfaction this time_

He thought that it might have felt liberating, finally deciding to move on. But it wasn't, it just felt like someone had run him over with a transport truck, and he was clinging on for dear life.

_and do you really get what you need_

_beating the hell out of me_

_Im so tired of getting up off of the floor_

_I won't take this anymore_

_I won't take this anymore_

…and not for the first time, he wondered if he even _wanted_ to make it.

----

_so low but still breathing_

_funny how you show you care_

_is hell still beneath me_

_or am I already there_

Her hands were cradled on her lap as she sipped on the vodka martini that the bartender had placed in front of her. To be honest, she couldn't even remember how many she had already had; she just didn't want to feel anymore. The memories were consuming her, eating up the remnants of her heart and clawing at her insides, begging to be released. She wrapped her hands around her stomach, afraid that if she moved them even an inch, all of her insides would spill out onto the floor. She downed the rest of the drink and rifled through her purse, looking for some money to call herself a cab home. She was disappointed when she realized that there was no more in there, all her money was on her debit card, Jess had insisted that carrying cash wasn't really a safe thing to do, and taxi's didn't take debit. She slowly stood, hands still around her stomach, and stumbled out of the bar. She knew he lived near here, but that was the last place she wanted to go.

It was his fault, she hated him.

She _hated_ him

It was his fault.

He was the reason Jess was hurt.

He was the reason she was hurt.

It was all. His. Fault.

The anger consumed her and all lucid thought was gone. She stumbled over tow here she remembered his apartment being and took the elevator to his floor. When she got to the door she pounded on it, once, twice, three times.

_It seems I'm never breaking free_

_while you sit and watch me bleed_

_when the night falls there's nowhere to go_

She wasn't going to let him push her around anymore, not now, not ever.

_I won't let you in let you see me cry_

_I can't give you that satisfaction this time_

When he opened the door she growled at him once before she lunged at him. In her drunken state, which evenly matched his, they were both missing their targets. She threw punches that went way too far left and he dodged the wrong way, so all of her punches came to blow. Finally he managed to push her away and grabbed his cheek.

"I hate you" she screeched at him, ignoring the wounded broken look that crossed his face as she said it. She moved towards him but he grabbed her shoulders and stared her down, looking deep into her eyes.

"I love you"

She scoffed and tried to move away from him, but he had a really tight grip on her and she couldn't move.

"I hate you" she said again, trying to get her point across.

"No you don't" he said quietly as he fingered her beautiful brown hair and tilted her head up so she was looking into his eyes.

"I love you" he said again, as he kissed her softly. She pushed back against him and threw him off of her. He opened his mouth to speak but she beat him to it as she threw herself at him and planted her lips on his in a passionately frantic kiss.

_and do you really get what you need_

_beating the hell out of me_

_Im so tired of getting up off of the floor_

_I won't take this anymore!_

She ripped his shirt off as they fell backwards onto the couch. She let out a moan as he trailed his hands across her stomach and up towards her breasts.

_all that's left in this brave new world_

_is ticking clocks and dancing girls_

_and broken hearts to find another way to shut it all out_

In her hastiness, she accidentally broke his belt buckle as she shimmied his pants down his legs and threw them behind her on the floor.

_It takes some time aloft to see_

_this point of view from underneath_

_electric hearts will play the song you've heard a thousand times_

_a thousand times_

She quickly shed the remainder of her clothing as he pulled off his boxers. Now complexly naked, he entered her and trusted harshly as she clawed at his back, screaming his name in ecstasy.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that he should have stopped her, should have stopped them, but when she screamed out his name and tightened around him, all rational thoughts escaped him.

_I won't let you in let you see me cry_

_I can't give you that satisfaction this time_

_and do you really get what you need_

_beating the hell out of me_

_you're never going to spread your disease_

_so get your hands off of me_

_Im so tired of getting up off of the floor_

_I wont take this anymore_

_I wont take this anymore_


End file.
